Random Thoughts by Heather

A few thoughts on Motherhood

2010-11-10T07:06:00.000-08:00

Isn't it amazing how motherhood can be the best, most rewarding and difficult and most frustrating of things all at the same time!

Today my Jack turns 3! I can't believe I have been at this crazy business of being a mother for 3 years already. It is scary how fast time flies by! My BIG 10'10" baby is now a skinny 3 year old with no butt who can't keep his pants up!

I feel like Jack was just born....but SO much has happened since then. He is really growing up. As Dustin said last night, "He is a little person now" and he has a very distinct personality, an amazing vocabulary, an active imagination, and a strong Spirit!

Zander is already 6 months! I don't have a little tiny baby anymore. He laughs, he smiles, he wants to reach out and grab EVERYTHING. He is curious. He is sweet. He still cries a lot and is determined to never let me get more than 4 hours of sleep. He puts up with his brother.

I realize I often fail my kiddos as a mother. I am impatient. I yell. I threaten Jack at least 100 times a day. I spank. I see about every other mother appearing to do better than me. I get frustrated with Zander's crying and not sleeping. I am not creative or crafty. I hate getting up in the mornings. I easily get frustrated. But I am THEIR mom. I am the best mom for them. With all my shortcomings, I love my kids with everything I have. I fear for them. I want the best for them. I want them to be happy, successful, have friends, be healthy. Yes, to Dustin's dismay, I probably even coddle them. But I love them so much. And through it all, they still love me! Jack still tells me I am a good mom. He compliments me. He worries about me if I am sad or hurt.

Zander gives me all the best smiles. It is me he wants when he needs comfort. It is my touch that can calm him. I can make him laugh with my silly faces, sounds, songs... I like to dance and make up songs with my kids. I attempt to make marble towers, even though they are really crappy. (I don't quite get boy toys!). I give them a million hugs and kisses a day. I feed them. I clean them. I try to keep a house of order for them.

Being a mother is the most wonderful thing in the world. I am so thankful that I am able to stay home with my boys at this stage of life! I love that my kiss can make an owie on Jack feel better. I love how he is so proud when I cheer him on or tell him he did something well. I love how he struts with confidence. I love how he smiles at me. Plays pretend with me. Sings with me. I love how he still wants to snuggle with me. I love how Zander holds my hand or strokes my chest as he nurses. (Or sometimes digs.) I love how he has actually fallen asleep in my arms lately. How he grabs my hair to rub against his face.

I am so very blessed to be a mom to these amazing spirit children of our Heavenly Father. He has entrusted me with them to love them, teach them, and help them return to Him. Oh how I love this divine calling I have been given. Now if I could just do better each day with it. Be more patient. Speak more softly, less harshly when I am angry. Give them even more hugs and kisses. Enjoy snuggle time a little more. Play cars a little more. Hold Zander a little longer. Go for a few more walks and trips to the park. Just don't rush through daily activities. The "stuff" around the house that I need to get done can wait. My kids are growing up too fast.

Triathlon: The Results

2010-09-27T15:46:00.001-07:00

I did it! I competed in and completed my first sprint triathlon. (I say first because it was so fun that I totally would like to do more!) Pardon my ummm.....pride, but I did it 4 months out from having a baby by c-section, on a torn ACL, with only a few weeks of training, on a mountain bike, and after having been up in the night with my kids several times! It felt good. There were only 8 total people competing, and I got last. But I met the time goal I set (barely). I came in at 1 hour and 14 minutes. My goal was 1 hour and 15 minutes!

Here I am before the race with Zander

One of my cheerleaders....sleeping.

My other cheerleader. Jack was great. He had his pom-pom and at different spots along the race he was cheering his little heart out for me!

I can't believe I am posting this picture of me, let alone that I actually let Dustin take it....But may it be motivation for me to get rid of those fat rolls and thunder thighs! :)

Swimming - it was my nemesis! I was totally the last one in the pool, and it took me nearly 20 minutes to swim 500 yards. It made everyone else quite a bit of distance ahead of me so I was alone the rest of the race too. I did it though, and I am proud of myself cuz I am definitely NOT a swimmer. Notice my awesome nose plug....yeah, I am cool.

Biking 10k....man heading out was brutal, but coming back felt so much easier!

Running 5k.....The running part actually didn't feel to bad after the first few wobbly steps off the bike. I actually think I could have pushed harder. That kind of bugs, but next time I know.....

Jack came down and greeted me about last 20 yards, cheering for me all the way! I picked him up and finished the race! An amazing 51 year old lady who probably finished at least 10-20 minutes before me was cheering me on yelling, "Now that's a mama!" All the other people doing it were so encouraging and awesome!

Finishing! I love the smiles on both our faces! I felt good and proud!

After the race. I was all tears and smiles. I was proud of myself. Dustin was proud of me. And it just felt good to have accomplished something like this and done it for me, for fun!

There will definitely be more races in the future! Maybe I can get my sister.....or Dustin to do one with me.... :)

The Triathlon!

2010-09-22T12:12:00.000-07:00

I am going to be doing a Sprint Triathlon on Saturday. I have been training pretty hard, especially the last 2 weeks. Today I found out there are only 6 people signed up so far for it. That sucks, but it also reinforces and will emphasize the reasons I am doing it. Even if it was only me, it shouldn't change the reasons or my desire to do it. (Though I wish I would be able to be lost in the mix a little more.... So here are my reasons: 1) It was a motivator to exercise, lose weight, and get in shape. (I still have far to go, but I have lost 5 pounds in 2 or so weeks!) 2) It is a cool thing that I will feel proud to accomplish, especially 4 months after having a baby. 3) I turn 28 on September 29th. I want to say I accomplished something cool, something for me, by then! 4) Sounds kind of fun, challenging, but fun!

Now here are some things I have learned while training:

*I am still as competitive as ever. I am old, out of shape, and flabby. But man I still have a competitive drive. (I am not sure if this is a good thing.)

*I still care too much what people think. I just moved to a new town, don't know many people, yet find myself wondering if people are judging me as I flail through the water, or about my wet ugly hair as I run, or my form as I am biking...etc. I am doing better. This has been good for me...I am doing this for ME and who cares what others think!

*There are so many different versions of in shape....Swimming is TOTALLY different on the lungs than running. Also, there are skinny girls that I could outrun, outlift, outride, etc. But no fair that they LOOK so much better! Side note: And there are people with amazing calf muscles that have never worked for them. I used to work my fanny off for nice calves but it just isn't in the genes. Thanks mom. Why couldn't I get my dad's calf gene!?

*Swimmers are amazing!!

*Running to music SERIOUSLY helps.

*I am stubborn. (I already knew this, just have had it reinforced many times.)

*I am capable of surviving on very little sleep. (I have been waking up at 5:30 every morning after having been up at least 2 times for feedings in the night!)

*The body is an amazing thing! I could go into this a lot, but I won't. It just is.

*I love food, WAY too much!

And hopefully, after Saturday I will be able to say I accomplished something I never have before and it felt great! And I surprised myself....We will see.

P.S. I will SOOOOOO be making one of these AFTER my race to indulge in.

Chocolate Reese's Cake!

Reese's Mud Pie

Mmmmmm......

Bugged

2010-09-15T14:07:00.000-07:00

Just need to vent a little, so here are some things that have bugged me lately:

People in stores saying how cute my "baby girl" is when HE is dressed all in BLUE with a BLUE blanket!
People that wear skorts to work out at the rec center at 6 in the morning. Seriously?
Not losing weight when I am working my butt off! (I wish it was literally!)
My 2 year olds sassiness, sometimes his smartness, and all the time the fact that he still isn't potty trained.
Teething in my 4 month old...Ouch! Waaa! Aah!
Women's clothes sizes. Pretty sure I fit in a range from size 12 to 18!
My skin, dry cracked hands and heals...and my poor boys inherited it.
Dustin's lack of pay for hours worked.
Ridiculous rent price in freaking LARAMIE, Wyoming.
Feeling like I have to beg people here to be my friends.
2 failed ACL surgeries and the the fact that my ACL is torn for a 3rd time! I think I should get a refund for the first 2 sucky surgeries.

Probably enough for today. Oh life, somtimes I think you hate me!

I'm Back!

2010-09-14T15:31:00.000-07:00

Hello! I am back. After a very long hiatus from this blog I decided I REALLY need somewhere to vent, think out loud, and just write down some everyday stuff from my life. I don't want to taint my family blog by doing so. Hopefully I still have some followers on this blog as well. Comments, ways you relate, stories, or empathy is welcome! Soon to come. Blogs on moving to Larmie, Wyoming, motherhood, dealing with a 2 year old, becoming old, etc. Oh the joys of everyday life.

"Phd in Grammatical Studies"

2009-09-18T15:39:00.000-07:00

So I assigned my students a grammar worksheet to work on parts of speech. It was a little more difficult because it was advertisement slogans rather than complete sentences. I wanted it to be more challenging because it makes them actually think about what part of speech each word actually functions as in that phrase.....Anyway, one of my students came to class today and we had an interesting conversation.

Student: This homework was so hard. My mom got a Phd in grammatical studies and she didn't get it!

Mrs. E: Really?? Your mom got a Phd in grammatical studies? Wow!

Student: Ummmmm..... or something like that!

Yeah kid, "something like that." Could it have been linguistics, semantics, or anything else. because maybe I am wrong, but I am sorry cuz I don't think there are any Phds out there for "grammatical studies." AND if there are, what a seriously LAME Phd. What do you study, the philosophy of grammar? I wanna know what she wrote her dissertation on? Commas? Great to hear the kids say later as we graded it, "I can't wait to show my mom how wrong she was on this worksheet!" Really, so she does your homework for you? Maybe if your mom with a Phd in grammatical studies doesn't "get" a worksheet copied straight out of a middle school grammar book, then she is in the wrong line of work.....or her education was a bit fat waste of time.

The End

It's been awhile...

2009-09-15T09:32:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I wrote on this blog, but summer is over, school has begun, and I have a stuff to say and once again do not want to taint our wholesome family blog with my opinions, ramblings, and ventings. More to come, but for now here is my first entry in awhile.

This is what happens when you let husband's dress themselves! :)

Done, D-O-N-E, Done!

2009-06-05T16:50:00.001-07:00

I am DONE with work for the summer! Whoo hoo!! I feel like I am 20 lbs lighter! (Wish I literally was!) Anyway, I survived my first year of teaching. Let's just say, it has to go up from here! :)

3 days and counting....

2009-06-02T18:55:00.000-07:00

Only 3 days of work left and I can't wait! I am way more excited to be out for the summer, as a teacher, then I ever was as a student! Yay summer! Only one more stack of portfolios left to grade.....

A couple of pounds and bring on the summer time!!

2009-05-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

LIfe is trucking along at a crazy speed it seems. I cannot believe I am already nearing my first completed year of teaching! It seems like I just started, but there were also times when I never thought I would make it to the end of the year! I am a bit torn at the end of this school year.....I already signed my contract, so I will be teaching again next year. Not quite sure I want to, but it looks like I am doing it anyway. But I am also amazed at how much I learned and how much better I think I will do next year with a year of hit and misses under my belt. (I kind of feel bad for my students that were my trial run this year.....But I think they learned some good things, had a good time, and I guess I just have to liv and learn!) But I am also sad that I won't have my group of 7th graders next year for any classes because I don't teach any 8th grade classes. I really will miss them. They are an annoying, crazy, misbehaving, irresponsible bunch of stinky kids, but they are also amazingly intelligent, articulate, talented, and deep. I will miss teaching them next year. I hope next year goes better. I hope I enjoy it more, get everything done I need to, and like the new students. But I am SO SO SO SO glad for summer now! How exciting to NOT have to think about school, lesson plans, etc for almost 3 whole months! Wahoo! Bring on the summer time! Oh, and I am doing alright in the weight loss department. I have lost a few more pounds, but still not where I want to be. I have a couple more weeks to lose a bit more before family reunions! For some reason, I think without the stress and craziness of school I might be able to lose weight a little easier....Hopefully anyway! :)

Working out....

2009-04-28T16:27:00.000-07:00

I am amazed how the whole concept of working out has changed to me over the years. In high school, I worked hard at sports (I wish I would have worked harder) but things came kind of natural to me. I was never in amazing shape or anything, but I was healthy and looked alright......In college I REALLY pushed myself. I wanted to be the best, I wanted to finish first, and I wanted to be in the best shape possible. I took diet and exercise to an unhealthy extreme, but I did feel good about how I performed, how I looked, and how hard I worked. I worked hard to stay in shape right up to the day I got cut from the USU basketball team. Then I kind of stopped working out. I mean, I have worked out here and there over the years, but nothing like I used to. Working out for me is a very hard thing to do just because. I need a reason, a motivation, a driving force. I loved working out knowing it would help me in college basketball, but now it is harder. And I actually still love the feeling of working out, playing sports, and sweating. I just find the motivation to do it comes very slowly......Also, I complain about how I look. I complain about how I feel. I complain about what having an almost 11 pound baby inside me has done to my body. Trust me, my body will NEVER be the same. Sad, nasty, saggy skin and stretch marks! (Sorry for the overshare!) I know I can help it a little thought, but I really haven't done much about it. I have lost the baby weight so slowly, and hae only now finally reached pre-pregnancy weight with Jack. The bad thing is that I weighed too much when I got pregnant with Jack because of a miscarriage and a bit of depression that followed that. I have tried to watch what I eat lately and it has paid off. I have lost about 10 pounds since February. But I am still not where I need to be. I am documenting my goals and why I want to reach them here and now, so that I have witnesses, perhaps people to check up on me (if anyone actually reads this blog), and something to be accountable to. The goals: By the first week of June I want to have lost at least 7 more pounds. I want my stomach to be flatter and my arms and legs to be more toned. I want ALL of my clothes to fit a little better. Here is why: 1) I just want to look and feel better about myself. 2) I want to prove to myself that I can still work out and push myself like I used to 3) I don't want my older, skinnier, tiny, work-out- aholic sister to judge me this summer when I see her. I want her to be impressed by how I look. I want her to notice that I have been working to improve my body. I know this isn't a good reason, but as I worked out today, that is the thought that pushed me to work harder. Here is how I am going to do it: I am going to keep a food journal and keep track of what I eat with the Weight Watchers points. I will also include in this journal what I do to work out that day. I am going to walk, run, do elliptical, lift free weights, and do pushups and sit-ups every night. Hopefully, by this summer I am in shape and feel good about how I look.....just in time to start trying to have another baby..... :) Wish me luck!

Parent Teacher Conferences

2009-04-09T19:43:00.002-07:00

NOT a fan of Parent Teacher conferences.....parents arguing in front of me.....excuses.......breaking bad news to parents.......unfulfilled expectations....etc. Glad they are OVER for the year!! Oh the joys and lameness all combined into one all consuming ball of emotion that is teaching!

My Child~

2009-04-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

So I am fully aware that I have a pretty WILD and CRAZY child. He is not shy. He loves playing with adults and other kids. He is not clingy to me, but still will cuddle with me. He is so friendly and says hi to everyone. He loves to watch basketball and shoot hoops. He loves to play with and walk his doggy. He is Mr. Independent and likes to feed himself. He likes to run, wrestle, jump, yell, and dive off beds and couches. He is one of the happiest, friendliest social babies I have ever seen and I LOVE that about him! Now I am sure he gets a lot of his loudness craziness from Dustin and me. Dustin and I love to play loud and crazy with him. We love to tickle and be silly and make him laugh. Others might question some of our parenting techniques, but all that matters to me is that I have noticed that I have an extremely HAPPY child! He is tough and rarely cries or whines. He talks a ton, gives kisses, and laughs at everything. He is so, so smart! I feel VERY VERY lucky to have the son that I do. My friend said something the other day like we are given the children that we are meant to have and that we can deal with. Thankfully, so far there is very little "dealing" with Jack, but there is a whole lot of enjoying Jack! Thank heavens for my SWEET, WILD, CUTE little boy! I sure do love this CRAZY kid!

P.S. The only thing I have ever found my Jack to be afraid of is pom-poms. Thankfully he has overcome that fear and loves them now. He calls a pom pom a "go." So cute!

March Madness!!

2009-03-24T08:27:00.000-07:00

My husband is lucky he married me. I know that sounds a bit pompous, but let me explain why. I LOVE LOVE LOVE sports, especially basketball. I can sit and watch basketball for hours. I love watching ESPN and Sports Center. (Dustin and I have done that together since we have been dating.) Sometimes I wish I wasn't so obsessed. Like last night when Davidson, featuring Stephon Curry and St. Marys, featuring Patty Mills (both amazing players) played each other and I stayed up way too late watching the game because it was a good game and I can't turn off or fall asleep when there is a good basketball game on. But anyway, I sure do love this time of year. March Madness seriously is one of my favorite times of year. I can sit and watch basketball games for hours on end, game after game, and there have been some GOOD games this year! My bracket is crap now (but not as bad as "Jack's" that Dustin helped with) but I don't care. Brackets keep me torn anyway: I really want the underdog to win, but I want the higher seed to win for my bracket's sake. Anyway, I hope everyone else is enjoying March Madness as well. I always feel a little sad when I know there will be no more college basketball games to watch for several months. But for now we have a few more weeks to go! Happy March Madness!

Classic picture!

2009-03-07T14:21:00.000-08:00

Does it make me a mean mom that I absolutely LOVE this picture of crying, bundled up Jack? Classic. Classic, I say. I love it.

Go NAVY!

2009-03-03T09:40:00.000-08:00

Well, I am done coaching basketball for the year. I absolutely loved the team of middle school girls that I coached this year. They were a really great TEAM. Our motto was, "We're a TEAM, not a PLAYER." Because other teams had one girl that did all the scoring, but on our team everybody scored, or shot, or played awesome defense. And EVERYONE improved! That is why I coach....to see a team come together like this one did. It was great to watch and see! Anyway, just wanted to say how proud I am of my girls and how much fun I had coaching this year. It was crazy with Jack at practices or finding places for Jack, but it was a great experience all the same. Their record wasn't great (they ended 4-8) but they came together at the end of the season and won 4 out of their last 6 games. All their losses but two were by 6 points or less. Lots of close games! They were great and it was a wonderful coaching experience. Plus, they got me a spa gift card which is awesome and I can't wait to use it! Thanks Navy team for a great season and for making me feel like a successful and very proud coach!

Er....

2009-02-21T10:44:00.000-08:00

Here are my thoughts on this week:
1. I am alone again this weekend. No me gusta.
2. I hate the gyno. Enough said. P.S. I need to lose weight, says my gyno, before I have any more children. Why yes, yes I do.
3. I hate doctors, but after the said above visit, I made 3 more doctor appointments with 3 different kinds of doctors all to get things looked at that I have let far too much time pass without getting looked at.
4. I hate by butt. If you know me well enough, you know what this means.
5. I sure do love Jack, and I especially love his laugh and when he blows raspberries on my belly and then laughs his head off.
6. I don't think EVERY kid should have a therapist, a physcologist, or a DIAGNOSIS in middle school. What is the deal with every kid having to have ADD or ADHD? Even if the student is a little different, slow, or the parent has enough money to send you to every type of doctor imaginable.
7. I need a vacation to somewhere exciting. I haven't been on one probably since my honeymoon almost 4 years ago. I get jealous of reading everyone else's blogs and facebooks who are going on trips to Mexico, Cancun, on cruises, etc. I am greatly desiring to travel and go somewhere else for awhile!
8. I still hate Dustin's job. Bball season is almost over and I can't wait to see my hubby a little more.
9. I can live with coaching a middle school girls basketball team that is 1-7 that is actually a good TEAM rather than a team with one good PLAYER and a bunch of other crappy players who haven't learned anything or improved. GO NAVY!
10. Not every church calling is completely enjoyable, but every church calling is very important. Mine especially.

The end.

Happy? V-Day

2009-02-14T10:08:00.001-08:00

Here is me and my valentine. What a cutie he is! And yes, if you can't tell, before this picture I had been crying. It has already been THAT good of a Valentines Day! Hope yours is better.

Supportive wife?

2009-02-12T14:34:00.000-08:00

I have a serious love/hate relationship with Dustin's job. I love being around sports, free season tickets to various sports, and a few other perks of the job like getting sweet gift cards to expensive restaurants from the doctors he works with, awesome food at banquets and other Athletic Department get togethers. I also enjoy the fact that all the athletes, the whole Athletic Department, and everyone Dustin works with knows and loves Jack! (Side note: They probably don't even know my name. I am Jack's mom, Dustin's wife to them). But that is where the love ends. For the most part, I hate his job. The pay is awful, especially compared to what coaches make and the similar hours put in. Plus Dustin has a Masters for crying out loud! And speaking of the hours, they suck. He works from usually 8 in the morning until 7 or 7:30 at night. If you figured the pay per hour, oh it would just be pathetic and embarassing. And I hate when he goes on the road. He has to travel to all away games with the bball team. So he is gone from Wednesday to Sunday. During that time he is gone, I turn into a slightly depressed, zombie-like, single mom. It is hard to have him gone! Anyway, just wanted to vent a bit on the subject since it is only Thursday and my sweet hubby won't be back til Sunday. Yes, that means I am spending Valentines day ALONE. It sucks. Thanks for asking.

25 random things about me!

2009-02-05T14:31:00.001-08:00

I did this on my facebook too, but thought it would be nice to keep my weirdo list compiled somewhere else too, so here it is!

1. My baby weighed 10 pounds 10.6 ounces when he was born by way of C-section. If it is true that your babies get bigger each time, I do believe I am screwed! : ) P.S. I hope all my babies don't have to come by way of C-section. I would like to give REAL childbirth a go sometime. I DID grow up with my brothers always telling me that I had great birthing hips. I find it ironic I wasn't able to do it!

2. I was worried that I would have the first ugly grandchild on the Hansen side. Jack was number 15 and he is SO NOT UGLY! In fact, I think he is one of the cutest kids I have ever seen! I love being his mommy!

3. I have some serious OCD tendencies. I count stairs when I go up or down them. I also check and recheck for locked doors, closed garages, and unplugged cords even when I am like 99.9% sure I already did it.

4. I married a non-Mormon. He is the most amazing man, husband, and father ever. I am SO happy!

5. I miss my glory days of sports in high school and college. I would have worked harder then if I could go back and change anything.

6. I wish I could play the piano better. I took for several years, but wish I would have stuck with it longer. Basketball is great, but it does not help you step up to the plate to play the piano at church.

7. I love to peel my skin and others skin after they get a sunburn. Oh how I love it! Growing up, me and my sister would fight over who got to peel our brother's peeling back.

8. I am obsessed with picking at Jack's nose and ears. I cannot leave a booger unpicked!

9. I also love to pop zits and pick scabs. I also have a tendency to rip out my eyelashes as I try to pick mascara off of them. I know, all disgusting but all true.

10. I am obsessed with basketball. I play, coach, attend games, or watch basketball anytime I can. And I think I know QUITE a bit about the sport! I usually say things right before the game announcer says it!

11. Growing up, I always dreamed of going to a Utah Jazz game, sitting on the front row, and getting kicked in the head or sweated on by Karl Malone as he dove into the crowd after a loose ball. Yeah. I was a fan.

12. I love to sit and eat sunflower seeds. But I cannot stick a bunch in my mouth all at the same time and eat them. I eat them one at a time.

13. I love Cherry Coke Zero, Dr. Pepper (especially from Pizza Hut) and Diet Dr. Pepper. I love pickles, little smokies, hot dogs, corn dogs, fries, and tator tots. I also love sweets WAY too much! Mmmm. I don't think I can give up my pop and sweets. And does my favorite food list look a little white trash? Oh well.

14. I cannot eat cooked or dried fruit. I think it is the texture probably, but I think fruit in any form other than raw is so GROSS!

15. I love to sweat. I don't work out as much as I should, but when I do, I love the feeling and I love to sweat.

16. I am only ticklish on my feet and my butt. Weird. I know.

17. I have scoliosis and ciphosis (sp?) Thus the hunch and curvature of my back. I don't like to "work on it" even though Dustin and my mom beg me to.

18. I hate confrontations of any kind. I am a wuss when it comes to them. I especially hate telling a server at the restaurant if they get my order wrong or returning things to stores. I seriously, seriously hate it.

19. I am a perfectionist and I hate it about myself. I hate starting cleaning projects, school lesson planning, cutting my dog's hair, etc because I am perfectionist and it takes me a thousand times longer than other people.

20. I am teacher, but I want to be a nurse or coach at a college or high school or work as a sports information person.

21. I LOVE taking naps! Sleep in general is one of my favorite things, but I don't think I have slept through a night since well before Jack was born.

22. I have one friend who has been one of my best and closest friends for more than 20 years now!

23. I have had two surgeries to repair a torn ACL in my left leg. The first time I tore it playing basketball against my sister's college team and I could have sworn she shoved me. But no. No one was around me, it just tore as I did a crossover. We discovered it was torn again when I was having surgery to get my knee scoped shortly before my wedding. And now, I was told by a doctor up here that it is torn again. Stupid ACL and stupid surgeries that didn't work.

24. I have a very small head and very thin hair. I can wear children's sizes in hats and all my hair can fit in tiny elastics and tiny clips.

25. I hate hair and I have a really weak gag reflex. I dry heave very easily. Hair, bad smells, and even the sound of people gathering spit/loogies in their mouth makes me dry heave. In HS, people used to put hairs on my food just to hear my dry heave. Not funny.

Just for your info....

2009-01-27T12:38:00.000-08:00

Pizza Hut has the BEST Dr. Pepper. I swear. It tastes better than ANYWHERE else. Just thought I would share. Now I am going to lay down because I just ate way too much pizza and salad and drank way to much DP at the Pizza Hut Buffet.....

Concussed

2009-01-24T21:45:00.000-08:00

So true story.....usually I am pretty dang good at finding my way in the dark through my house to my crying baby, but the other night I must have been a little dizzy or too tired or walking with my eyes completely closed, because I totally ran into the wall. And it wasn't my hands or legs or body that hit first, it was my head, and I hit it seriously hit HARD! I now know what people mean when they say they see stars after hitting their head. I totally saw them and the pain brought me to my knees. I am pretty sure I gave myself a concussion...I was nauseous and dizzy the rest of the night. I also got a bruise and a little bump on my forehead. Awesome story behind these war woulds, eh?

LOST

2009-01-21T14:34:00.000-08:00

Is it sad that Dustin and I are SO excited for the season premiere of LOST (season 5) tonight? No I don't think so. We HAVE waited a long time. We are so excited that we are pretty much treating it almost like it is somebody's birthday! We love this crazy little show for some reason...addicted to it you could say. I wonder what our celebratory dinner will be tonight......corn dogs or chicken nuggets? :)

On an ironic note, our son is named Jack and we want to name a daugther Kate. I promise this was all in place BEFORE our addiction to the show. But I should have named our dog Sawyer, John, or Hurley....

Wow...

2009-01-21T06:24:00.001-08:00

Wow...Now looking at that photobooth picture of me in thought, I have a really good idea of what I would like bald. Interesting...

Teaching

2009-01-20T14:14:00.000-08:00

Is it wrong or sad or pathetic that when people ask me if I like my job, I cannot honestly answer yes? Well, I can HONESTLY say, I don't totally enjoy it. Maybe I would if I was single or if my kids were all grown up ..... but right now, not so much enjoying is happening. I can't completely figure out why. Maybe it is because I would rather ALWAYS be home with Jack or maybe it is cuz I have some pretty spoiled, unable to control themselves and their talking and their behavior students or maybe because teaching encompasses all my thoughts and time (yes even teaching part time) and completely drains me physically, emotionally, and mentally......Or maybe I would just rather sit home, be lazy, be a housewife and a homemaker. Yes. I think I would rather do that. They don't pay me enough to make the time put into this job worth it. And maybe I would like teaching better if I was like a p.e. teacher where I don't have so many papers and essays and tests to grade as I do being an English teacher. Being a teacher is TIME CONSUMING AND TIRING! Don't get me wrong....I don't HATE my job. There are great moments when I love it and things I love about it.....like that I get to teach WHATEVER I want HOWEVER I want and WHENEVER I want! That is awesome. The freedom at the school I work is great. And I love it when a student says something profound or brilliant or interesting or when they write an amazing poem or a super intellectual thought. Or when my ENTIRE class gets their poems accepted for publication. (TRUE STORY!) Those are great times, but I don't know if for me, right now in my life, they outweigh the not so great things. I AM TIRED! I just want to play with my Jack-Jack, but no, right now I need to write 2 finals by tomorrow, grade some other stuff and try to write nice comments about each student for the end of the semester. And one last thing....right now it kind of seems sad that I don't enjoy teaching too much after training to be a teacher in college for the last 5-6 years of my life. Is it bad that maybe I would rather go into sports administration or nursing now....Yeah, but like I wanna go back to school.....Anyway, I just needed to rant and rave a little and now I am going to try to entertain my son and write two finals at the same time. Wish me luck....

P.S. The English teacher in me would like to apologize for all of the run-on sentences and bad grammar and syntax in this post. The Complainer in me says, BITE ME! :)

Meltdowns, swollen eyes, perma-headaches, and a wonderful ward....

2008-11-23T21:30:00.000-08:00

Ya dig that pic? That is me at the end of my very rough day today. I have swollen eyes and have cried off every bit of makeup that I had on long ago. It has been a very....emotional day. Dustin got up and left this morning at 5 to go on a road trip with the basketball team. He won't be back til Thanksgiving Day. But I won't be here. Jack and I are going to Utah for Thanksgiving and won't come back until next Saturday or Sunday. So we won't see Dustin for a whole week, including on the lovely holiday of Thanksgiving and I think that just plain sucks. So that makes me a tad emotional. Jack loves his daddy VERY much. When his Daddy isn't here, I think it makes him angry, annoyed, confused, whatever and so he chooses to act a little naughty and be a little stinker....which is what he did today at church. I probably got to actually sit in Sacrament meeting today for maybe 10 minutes. Jack has this new move where he arches his back and tries to slide out of your arms and off your lap. It is accompanied by a super annoying whine which he recently developed. One of my dear friends could tell I was one whine away from losing it I think, so she took Jack during Sunday school. I think her kind act is what finally set the water works in motion, and they haven't stopped all day. After Sunday school and many caring "Are you ok?" from fellow church members, I was still crying so another wonderful sister in the ward took Jack during Relief Society and told me to go in an try to enjoy Relief Society. I went outside and tried to compose myself (where two wonderful sisters came to check on me and make me feel better by telling me that everyone has emotional days, I am a good mom, and that they loved me, etc) I went back into class. I cried the whole time in there, but it was a great lesson on gaining knowledge. I had sisters come and ask me if I was okay, give me hugs, bring me Kleenexs. Seriously, at least 10 people helped me or tried to comfort me at church. I have the most amazing ward and friends. They were wonderful. But all day I still kept crying. I cried over Dustin being gone. I cried over us being apart for yet another holiday. I cried for Jack's naughtiness. I cried because I felt like an awful mother. I cried for Jack for not getting his Daddy for a whole week. I cried because everyone was so nice to me at church. I cried because I was embarrassed that I couldn't stop crying....etc. I am sure you get the point. Anyways, yay for wonderful church members who love and support me. Yay for a son who I love so stinkin much and is SO cute but can be a little stinker sometimes, Yay for meltdowns, and Yay for the crazy things that hormones do to you right before that special time of the month. (Sorry if that is too much information). And yay for puppies who usually annoy the crap out of me but today was very loving and supportive. Thanks people in my ward, thanks friends, and thanks Chewie, I survived today. Tomorrow is a new bright day...hopefully! :)

Tags? Why not?

2008-10-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

I figure since people tag me, and I don't really feel like putting them on our family blog, I can put them here...on my random blog. I am sure they will fit in nicely. So here is just one....I think the most recent....of the many tags I have received....

THE GREAT EIGHT!

EIGHT things that make me feel good: Jack, sleeping, laughing, being outside, smelling rain, Dustin, the ocean, and exercising (if I ever do it),

EIGHT THINGS I DID YESTERDAY: Taught school, took a nap, changed about 4 poopy diapers, played with Jack, ate too much, watched a stupid movie that Dustin made me watch, watched "Chicago" one of my favorite movies of all time, and talked to my sister Lisa on the phone.

EIGHT FAVORITE EATS/Drinks: Cherry Coke Zero, Diet Dr. Pepper, Chicken Fingers or Chicken Nuggets w/ BBQ sauce from McDonalds, any kind of fresh fruit (Don't you dare try to give me any of that nasty cooked or dried fruit! GROSS! , Cafe Rio/Costa Vida, Olive Garden food, especially the salad and breadsticks (Dang Bozeman for not having one but teasting me with the commercials on TV!!) Sonic Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, and Red Lobster!

EIGHT THINGS ON MY WISH LIST: Go on a vacation to Hawaii, have Dustin design and build a dream home for us, for me and my family to be happy, to have more kids (preferably a girl sometime, to live closer to either one of our families, for Dustin to get baptized, to go through the temple with Dustin and be sealed to him, to have someone else clean my house, and for us to make more money.

EIGHT THINGS I LOVE ABOUT FALL: My birthday, Jack's birthday, the colorful fall leaves, HALLOWEEN, the cool weather, fall clothes to cover me up, the smell of snow coming, and new TV seasons starting :)

EIGHT FAVORITE TV SHOWS: Law and Order: Special Victims, CSI (any), Amazing Race, America's Next Top Model, Lost (I cannot wait for it to start!), Jeopardy, Sports Center, and The Biggest Loser

EIGHT THINGS I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Halloween, Jack's first birthday, Thanksgiving, the food at Thanksgiving, Christmas, spending my first New Year's Eve with my husband since we have been married, the next time we get to see Dustin's family, trying to have another baby next year.

And there you go....Yee haw! Insight into my life!

Thoughts? What thoughts?

2008-10-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry, (especially to Mindy) for the lack of updates on this blog. It is supposed to be my thoughts...but really I haven't had many lately. My brain does not seem to be functioning quite up to par. Ask Dustin. He will tell you I have been a serious ditz for about the last month. (Yes even more so than normal!) My friend Cami would probably agree because I have totally forgotten not once but twice to come over when I was supposed to to watch her kids. (Even after Dustin reminded me in the morning at least 3 times, I still forgot that afternoon.) Or ask my poor nephew who just barely got his birthday card sent off yesterday and his birthday was September 15th. Or you could notice the card still sitting on my counter for a friend's birthday back in the middle of September and I keep forgetting to give it to her even though she watched Jack two days in a row and I see her every week at church. I am pretty much losing my mind. I don't really know why either. Maybe it is the craziness of trying to me a mom to THE BUSIEST boy around who is pooping an average of 4 times a day. Or because of the annoyingness (no not a word but I can't think of a better one) of my weirdo middle schoolers whose extensive annoyingness is frying or ruining my brain. Or maybe because the weather has been winter then summer then fall up here. Who knows? Whatever it is, my brain isn't working too well so my thoughts aren't quite here.....I will do better. But here is my legitimate but lame-o excuse. Does anyone else ever feel like they are kind of losing their mind? :)

Amazing Moments

2008-09-12T09:32:00.001-07:00

I just have to say that I love the little amazing moments in life....Moments when I look at my little Jack and am just so overwhelmed that it brings me to tears, with the love I have for him and the miracle that he is and how lucky I am to have this opportunity to be his mother. Moments when I my husband says the sweetest things or does a kind gesture and I am amazed at how lucky I am to have a husband who loves me so much, treats me so well, and knows me and understands me better than anyone. Moments when my students say the most profound, deep, or intellectual things and I truly am dumbfounded by the vast amount of knowledge, feelings, and thoughts that they have. (Even when the other 99% of the time they are talking about death,doom, and destruction!) Moments when I look at nature and am just overcome by the beauty of it and the wisdom that went into creating this world. I truly am blessed to experience these amazing moments!

Yikes!

2008-09-11T08:42:00.000-07:00

If I thought talking in front of the students was scary, I was absolutely petrified last night standing all red faced and flubbering in front of all their parents at Back to School Night last night......Yikes! Can you say intimidation?

Oh Crap!

2008-09-09T09:46:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was not having a good morning. I was tired and wasn't feeling well. Things got worse. I was driving to work at the school, trying to no be late because I had morning duty watching the kids. Well stupid me was thinking of school and not that I was entering a school zone. I saw a cop sitting on his motorcycle clocking my speed going well over the lame 15 mph speed limit in school zones that they have up here. (And can I just say that it is the STUPIDEST thing ever that our school zones are 15 mph ALL DAY LONG! From 8 in the morning til 4:30! LAME!) Anyway, he pulled out behind me flashing those dreaded lights. This was at 8:10 am. I was stopped right by Bozeman High School where teachers and students I used to work with could see me. Well this cop took his sweet little time writing up my citation. I was freaking out cuz I couldn't find my insurance then I found it and it was the old card so then he took another ETERNITY to write up ANOTHER citation. By the time he is trying to kindly tell me to have a better day and watch the school zones it was well past time for my school to starting! I got to school around 8:35 (5 minutes after school began) and met with the school secretary and head master (who I was at least able to call and give a heads up about my situation.) They told me to go in the bathroom and take a minute because I was snotty, red faced bawling hyperventilating Heather at this point. Anyway, I explained my story to my sweet little 6th graders (eyes still watering the whole time) and they told me I was going to make them cry because of seeing me like that....They are great! Needless to say, I looked like death the rest of the day and I am still ever so angry and bitter because the fine is probably going to be HUGE and it is SUCH a waste of money and I just HATE stupid things like this. At least the officer saved me probably a hundo because he wrote me for going 25 instead of the 31 he clocked me at. Thanks for that buddy. I had a no good, lousy, awful, very bad day. At least Jack was a sweet good boy......

Writer's Block

2008-09-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

So my students are already cracking me up with some of the things they say, but one kid in particular really made me work to keep a strait face.....I was having my English class do their first journal entry. I gave them a question to answer for 5 minutes and then said they could free write for 5 minutes. One of my students came up to me, with a serious look of concern on his face and said, "I think I am having what you call.....writer's block..." Oh the way he said it and the concern and the simplicity of the journal assignment that was causing him stress. Trust me....a 7th grader telling you they have writer's block for their journal entry is funny stuff! It made my day anyway....

My first REAL job

2008-08-25T16:04:00.000-07:00

(Here I am with my official State of Montana Educator's License)

Today I guess I officially started my first REAL job that I have ever had in my life. At least the first profession I could proudly, and officially say "I am a...!" So with pride I will now say, when people say "What do you do?" "I AM A TEACHER!" (You don't so proudly say, "I am a waitress," which is really the only other job I have ever had, other than a basketball coach.) So its official. I have a job. I have real responsibilities. I have other lives and educations I am responsible for. I have a boss. I have colleagues. And I have all the nerves that come with having a first REAL job. Today we had teacher in-service before the students actually show up on Wednesday ready to have their minds molded. :) While driving there this morning, I nearly hyperventilated. The reality set in, and I was stinkin nervous. I am doing a little better now, and it was a good first day. I Really like the people I work with. However, I will probably be a nervous wreck Wednesday morning, even worse than today. Here are the things that scare me about this job:
1) This isn't just any old crazy public school. This is a private middle school with tiny little class sizes. Kids have to apply to get in, get accepted, and pay bukoo bucks to go here. There are very few teachers and very few students. In one of my classes I will have 6 or 7 students and my other class reached max capacity at 12. I am more intimidated by teaching just a few students than a much larger group. There are perks, such as less grading and more chances for one on one interaction and help. But for some reason a small group, with less chances for comments, is more scary for me. I don't know why.
2) I am teaching 7th grade English which I am REALLY excited about cuz English is my thang. The only scary thing about this is that apparently two of my students parent's are published authors. PRESSURE. And then I also teach 6th grade World Cultures. If any of you know me I am not so knowledgable in the cultures/geography area. So I will have to stay on my toes and ahead of the game in that class! I will be studying my little bum off to stay just ahead of the students. Also, I have a whole lot of freedom to teach what I want, how I want. It is wonderful, but almost TOO much freedom. A tiny bit more guidance would be useful for a first year teacher.
3) For some reason, this age level scares me. I don't know what to expect from them. Especially 6th grade boys. For some reason this age is terrifying with all the hormones, changing, growing up, etc. All the work I have done up until now has been in sophomore, junior, and senior English classes. Middle school age is a whole new cup of tea. Growing up, I used to say I wanted to teach middle school to help kids through this awkward phase....maybe I just need to try to get that mentality back.
4) The final reason is: I don't know how I will handle being away from Jack. And I don't know how he will handle a crazy new schedule and not being with his mommy 3 mornings a week. This job is ideal. It is only part-time. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. Only 14-15 hours a week. The rest of the time I get to be a full time mom to Jack. But I still think this will be hard for me, Jack, and Chewie.

Anyway, the students come Wednesday. I hope this "official" teacher doesn't faint on the drive to school.

Is this how it starts?

2008-08-22T12:04:00.000-07:00

Ummm....is this how it starts? Is this how kids that eat their own boogers begin that awful, nasty habit? Maybe I shouldn't let Jack chew on his own snot sucker. We don't want him starting early...

Future Walmart Greeter

2008-08-20T15:58:00.000-07:00

This may just look like a picture of ramdom, happy Walmart employee, but this is actually going to be me in 60 years! That's right! I think Dustin thinks I am kidding when I tell him that when I am an old lady I want to be a Walmart Greeter! I seriously do! I think it would be great fun to sit on my butt and say, "Welcome to Walmart" all day long! Mostly it would be fun to people watch, and see what kind of reactions I get as I address people in my loud, startleing, old woman voice. I would be a good greeter though, amazing actually., - A happy soul, not like the lady who works at our Walmart who says, "Welcome to Walmart" with a deep scowling frown on her face in a grufff, mean, growling voice. No that's not how a Greeter should be at all. I will be a great Walmart Greeter one day. Seriously. Wait and see.

Joy Beyond Compare!

2008-08-18T15:13:00.001-07:00

Some days it is just plain hard to be a mom and to do all of the necessary tasks that go with it. This morning I was having one of those days. Then Jack looked at me and gave me one of his amazing, heart melting smiles and I realized that days like this will inevitably come, but the joys of being a mother to Jack easily out weight the bad days. So, because Jack cheered me up, I decided to list here just a few of the many ways that Jack has has brought me and daily brings me joy beyond compare.
* The overall experience of being pregnant with and safely having a big, healthy, perfect baby!
*Jack is so content, happy, and well behaved. Dustin and I are very, VERY lucky! People are constantly commenting to us on what a happy little guy he is!
* His bright, big blue eyes are so amazing to look into. They are so expressive! And it is neat that sometimes it feels like I am looking into my own eyes.
*His laughter
*His big smile which is getting toothier and goofier by the day! :)
* The way he is learning how to give hugs and kisses!
* And finally, seeing him accomplish or learn new things. I got teary eyed the other day as Jack started scooting along the floor doing a fun little version of an army crawl.

I live for the special, little moments each day with Jack! I can't wait for each new milestone, accomplishment, and exciting moment! Thanks Jack for the goofy smile you gave me this morning when Mommy was on the brink of having a meltdown!

Some thoughts on Motherhood...

2008-08-18T11:18:00.000-07:00

As I am getting ready to go back to work (thankfully only part-time) I have been thinking a lot about being a mother. Becoming a mother has been so amazing for me and has completely changed me for the good. I love Jack more than anything! I will miss him like crazy when I go to work for a few hours a week. But I have also been thinking about some other aspects of motherhood....the lighter side. There are some things I do now, that I never thought I would do or never expected as a mmother: 1) I frolic around the house like a monkey (with a puppy excitedly nipping at my heels), just to get Jack to laugh, stop crying, smile, whatever. 2) I dance like a freak of nature to children's nursery rhymes songs because I have heard music and dancing with your baby is good for their development. **I acutally read today that while this is enjoyable and entertaining for the child, a mother can also use it as a way to get a workout in. Sweet. There you go! I do exercise.** 3) I find myself doing the oh so dreaded lick my fingers and clean off Jack's cheeks with my own saliva move. 4) I never expected that a poopy diaper could leave that awful stench etched into the memory glands of my nose for more than half a day. *Me: "Is Jack seriously poopy again?" Dustin: "No, I don't smell anything." Me: "Oh it must be the diaper from this morning STILL singed into my nose hairs."* 5) And finally I realized I had truly arrived as a mother when the other day Jack spit up in a store and I didn't have anything in there with me to wipe it up. I then found myself wiping spit up off Jack's face and discreetly hiding it away, wiping it into the pocket of my own pants. Gross. Wow. Only a mom. Oh more thoughs on motherhood later.....

The beginning....

2008-08-18T11:06:00.001-07:00

I wanted to start a blog where I could share my random thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I wanted to be able to vent a little. Our other blog is dedicated to my family and Jack. I want that to be a bit of a scrapbook for him and us. So a separate page was needed for my thoughts, an online journal I guess. So enjoy or not. This is more therapeutic for me than anything.
Heather