Today my Jack turns 3! I can't believe I have been at this crazy business of being a mother for 3 years already. It is scary how fast time flies by! My BIG 10'10" baby is now a skinny 3 year old with no butt who can't keep his pants up!
I feel like Jack was just born....but SO much has happened since then. He is really growing up. As Dustin said last night, "He is a little person now" and he has a very distinct personality, an amazing vocabulary, an active imagination, and a strong Spirit!
Zander is already 6 months! I don't have a little tiny baby anymore. He laughs, he smiles, he wants to reach out and grab EVERYTHING. He is curious. He is sweet. He still cries a lot and is determined to never let me get more than 4 hours of sleep. He puts up with his brother.
I realize I often fail my kiddos as a mother. I am impatient. I yell. I threaten Jack at least 100 times a day. I spank. I see about every other mother appearing to do better than me. I get frustrated with Zander's crying and not sleeping. I am not creative or crafty. I hate getting up in the mornings. I easily get frustrated. But I am THEIR mom. I am the best mom for them. With all my shortcomings, I love my kids with everything I have. I fear for them. I want the best for them. I want them to be happy, successful, have friends, be healthy. Yes, to Dustin's dismay, I probably even coddle them. But I love them so much. And through it all, they still love me! Jack still tells me I am a good mom. He compliments me. He worries about me if I am sad or hurt.
Zander gives me all the best smiles. It is me he wants when he needs comfort. It is my touch that can calm him. I can make him laugh with my silly faces, sounds, songs... I like to dance and make up songs with my kids. I attempt to make marble towers, even though they are really crappy. (I don't quite get boy toys!). I give them a million hugs and kisses a day. I feed them. I clean them. I try to keep a house of order for them.
Being a mother is the most wonderful thing in the world. I am so thankful that I am able to stay home with my boys at this stage of life! I love that my kiss can make an owie on Jack feel better. I love how he is so proud when I cheer him on or tell him he did something well. I love how he struts with confidence. I love how he smiles at me. Plays pretend with me. Sings with me. I love how he still wants to snuggle with me. I love how Zander holds my hand or strokes my chest as he nurses. (Or sometimes digs.) I love how he has actually fallen asleep in my arms lately. How he grabs my hair to rub against his face.
I am so very blessed to be a mom to these amazing spirit children of our Heavenly Father. He has entrusted me with them to love them, teach them, and help them return to Him. Oh how I love this divine calling I have been given. Now if I could just do better each day with it. Be more patient. Speak more softly, less harshly when I am angry. Give them even more hugs and kisses. Enjoy snuggle time a little more. Play cars a little more. Hold Zander a little longer. Go for a few more walks and trips to the park. Just don't rush through daily activities. The "stuff" around the house that I need to get done can wait. My kids are growing up too fast.
