Meltdowns, swollen eyes, perma-headaches, and a wonderful ward....

Ya dig that pic? That is me at the end of my very rough day today. I have swollen eyes and have cried off every bit of makeup that I had on long ago. It has been a very....emotional day. Dustin got up and left this morning at 5 to go on a road trip with the basketball team. He won't be back til Thanksgiving Day. But I won't be here. Jack and I are going to Utah for Thanksgiving and won't come back until next Saturday or Sunday. So we won't see Dustin for a whole week, including on the lovely holiday of Thanksgiving and I think that just plain sucks. So that makes me a tad emotional. Jack loves his daddy VERY much. When his Daddy isn't here, I think it makes him angry, annoyed, confused, whatever and so he chooses to act a little naughty and be a little stinker....which is what he did today at church. I probably got to actually sit in Sacrament meeting today for maybe 10 minutes. Jack has this new move where he arches his back and tries to slide out of your arms and off your lap. It is accompanied by a super annoying whine which he recently developed. One of my dear friends could tell I was one whine away from losing it I think, so she took Jack during Sunday school. I think her kind act is what finally set the water works in motion, and they haven't stopped all day. After Sunday school and many caring "Are you ok?" from fellow church members, I was still crying so another wonderful sister in the ward took Jack during Relief Society and told me to go in an try to enjoy Relief Society. I went outside and tried to compose myself (where two wonderful sisters came to check on me and make me feel better by telling me that everyone has emotional days, I am a good mom, and that they loved me, etc) I went back into class. I cried the whole time in there, but it was a great lesson on gaining knowledge. I had sisters come and ask me if I was okay, give me hugs, bring me Kleenexs. Seriously, at least 10 people helped me or tried to comfort me at church. I have the most amazing ward and friends. They were wonderful. But all day I still kept crying. I cried over Dustin being gone. I cried over us being apart for yet another holiday. I cried for Jack's naughtiness. I cried because I felt like an awful mother. I cried for Jack for not getting his Daddy for a whole week. I cried because everyone was so nice to me at church. I cried because I was embarrassed that I couldn't stop crying....etc. I am sure you get the point. Anyways, yay for wonderful church members who love and support me. Yay for a son who I love so stinkin much and is SO cute but can be a little stinker sometimes, Yay for meltdowns, and Yay for the crazy things that hormones do to you right before that special time of the month. (Sorry if that is too much information). And yay for puppies who usually annoy the crap out of me but today was very loving and supportive. Thanks people in my ward, thanks friends, and thanks Chewie, I survived today. Tomorrow is a new bright day...hopefully! :)

Tags? Why not?

I figure since people tag me, and I don't really feel like putting them on our family blog, I can put them here...on my random blog. I am sure they will fit in nicely. So here is just one....I think the most recent....of the many tags I have received....

THE GREAT EIGHT!

EIGHT things that make me feel good: Jack, sleeping, laughing, being outside, smelling rain, Dustin, the ocean, and exercising (if I ever do it),

EIGHT THINGS I DID YESTERDAY: Taught school, took a nap, changed about 4 poopy diapers, played with Jack, ate too much, watched a stupid movie that Dustin made me watch, watched "Chicago" one of my favorite movies of all time, and talked to my sister Lisa on the phone.

EIGHT FAVORITE EATS/Drinks: Cherry Coke Zero, Diet Dr. Pepper, Chicken Fingers or Chicken Nuggets w/ BBQ sauce from McDonalds, any kind of fresh fruit (Don't you dare try to give me any of that nasty cooked or dried fruit! GROSS! , Cafe Rio/Costa Vida, Olive Garden food, especially the salad and breadsticks (Dang Bozeman for not having one but teasting me with the commercials on TV!!) Sonic Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, and Red Lobster!

EIGHT THINGS ON MY WISH LIST: Go on a vacation to Hawaii, have Dustin design and build a dream home for us, for me and my family to be happy, to have more kids (preferably a girl sometime, to live closer to either one of our families, for Dustin to get baptized, to go through the temple with Dustin and be sealed to him, to have someone else clean my house, and for us to make more money.

EIGHT THINGS I LOVE ABOUT FALL: My birthday, Jack's birthday, the colorful fall leaves, HALLOWEEN, the cool weather, fall clothes to cover me up, the smell of snow coming, and new TV seasons starting :)

EIGHT FAVORITE TV SHOWS: Law and Order: Special Victims, CSI (any), Amazing Race, America's Next Top Model, Lost (I cannot wait for it to start!), Jeopardy, Sports Center, and The Biggest Loser

EIGHT THINGS I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Halloween, Jack's first birthday, Thanksgiving, the food at Thanksgiving, Christmas, spending my first New Year's Eve with my husband since we have been married, the next time we get to see Dustin's family, trying to have another baby next year.

And there you go....Yee haw! Insight into my life!

Thoughts? What thoughts?

Sorry, (especially to Mindy) for the lack of updates on this blog. It is supposed to be my thoughts...but really I haven't had many lately. My brain does not seem to be functioning quite up to par. Ask Dustin. He will tell you I have been a serious ditz for about the last month. (Yes even more so than normal!) My friend Cami would probably agree because I have totally forgotten not once but twice to come over when I was supposed to to watch her kids. (Even after Dustin reminded me in the morning at least 3 times, I still forgot that afternoon.) Or ask my poor nephew who just barely got his birthday card sent off yesterday and his birthday was September 15th. Or you could notice the card still sitting on my counter for a friend's birthday back in the middle of September and I keep forgetting to give it to her even though she watched Jack two days in a row and I see her every week at church. I am pretty much losing my mind. I don't really know why either. Maybe it is the craziness of trying to me a mom to THE BUSIEST boy around who is pooping an average of 4 times a day. Or because of the annoyingness (no not a word but I can't think of a better one) of my weirdo middle schoolers whose extensive annoyingness is frying or ruining my brain. Or maybe because the weather has been winter then summer then fall up here. Who knows? Whatever it is, my brain isn't working too well so my thoughts aren't quite here.....I will do better. But here is my legitimate but lame-o excuse. Does anyone else ever feel like they are kind of losing their mind? :)

Amazing Moments

I just have to say that I love the little amazing moments in life....Moments when I look at my little Jack and am just so overwhelmed that it brings me to tears, with the love I have for him and the miracle that he is and how lucky I am to have this opportunity to be his mother. Moments when I my husband says the sweetest things or does a kind gesture and I am amazed at how lucky I am to have a husband who loves me so much, treats me so well, and knows me and understands me better than anyone. Moments when my students say the most profound, deep, or intellectual things and I truly am dumbfounded by the vast amount of knowledge, feelings, and thoughts that they have. (Even when the other 99% of the time they are talking about death,doom, and destruction!) Moments when I look at nature and am just overcome by the beauty of it and the wisdom that went into creating this world. I truly am blessed to experience these amazing moments!

Yikes!

If I thought talking in front of the students was scary, I was absolutely petrified last night standing all red faced and flubbering in front of all their parents at Back to School Night last night......Yikes! Can you say intimidation?

Oh Crap!

So yesterday I was not having a good morning. I was tired and wasn't feeling well. Things got worse. I was driving to work at the school, trying to no be late because I had morning duty watching the kids. Well stupid me was thinking of school and not that I was entering a school zone. I saw a cop sitting on his motorcycle clocking my speed going well over the lame 15 mph speed limit in school zones that they have up here. (And can I just say that it is the STUPIDEST thing ever that our school zones are 15 mph ALL DAY LONG! From 8 in the morning til 4:30! LAME!) Anyway, he pulled out behind me flashing those dreaded lights. This was at 8:10 am. I was stopped right by Bozeman High School where teachers and students I used to work with could see me. Well this cop took his sweet little time writing up my citation. I was freaking out cuz I couldn't find my insurance then I found it and it was the old card so then he took another ETERNITY to write up ANOTHER citation. By the time he is trying to kindly tell me to have a better day and watch the school zones it was well past time for my school to starting! I got to school around 8:35 (5 minutes after school began) and met with the school secretary and head master (who I was at least able to call and give a heads up about my situation.) They told me to go in the bathroom and take a minute because I was snotty, red faced bawling hyperventilating Heather at this point. Anyway, I explained my story to my sweet little 6th graders (eyes still watering the whole time) and they told me I was going to make them cry because of seeing me like that....They are great! Needless to say, I looked like death the rest of the day and I am still ever so angry and bitter because the fine is probably going to be HUGE and it is SUCH a waste of money and I just HATE stupid things like this. At least the officer saved me probably a hundo because he wrote me for going 25 instead of the 31 he clocked me at. Thanks for that buddy. I had a no good, lousy, awful, very bad day. At least Jack was a sweet good boy......

Writer's Block

So my students are already cracking me up with some of the things they say, but one kid in particular really made me work to keep a strait face.....I was having my English class do their first journal entry. I gave them a question to answer for 5 minutes and then said they could free write for 5 minutes. One of my students came up to me, with a serious look of concern on his face and said, "I think I am having what you call.....writer's block..." Oh the way he said it and the concern and the simplicity of the journal assignment that was causing him stress. Trust me....a 7th grader telling you they have writer's block for their journal entry is funny stuff! It made my day anyway....

My first REAL job

(Here I am with my official State of Montana Educator's License)

Today I guess I officially started my first REAL job that I have ever had in my life. At least the first profession I could proudly, and officially say "I am a...!" So with pride I will now say, when people say "What do you do?" "I AM A TEACHER!" (You don't so proudly say, "I am a waitress," which is really the only other job I have ever had, other than a basketball coach.) So its official. I have a job. I have real responsibilities. I have other lives and educations I am responsible for. I have a boss. I have colleagues. And I have all the nerves that come with having a first REAL job. Today we had teacher in-service before the students actually show up on Wednesday ready to have their minds molded. :) While driving there this morning, I nearly hyperventilated. The reality set in, and I was stinkin nervous. I am doing a little better now, and it was a good first day. I Really like the people I work with. However, I will probably be a nervous wreck Wednesday morning, even worse than today. Here are the things that scare me about this job:
1) This isn't just any old crazy public school. This is a private middle school with tiny little class sizes. Kids have to apply to get in, get accepted, and pay bukoo bucks to go here. There are very few teachers and very few students. In one of my classes I will have 6 or 7 students and my other class reached max capacity at 12. I am more intimidated by teaching just a few students than a much larger group. There are perks, such as less grading and more chances for one on one interaction and help. But for some reason a small group, with less chances for comments, is more scary for me. I don't know why.
2) I am teaching 7th grade English which I am REALLY excited about cuz English is my thang. The only scary thing about this is that apparently two of my students parent's are published authors. PRESSURE. And then I also teach 6th grade World Cultures. If any of you know me I am not so knowledgable in the cultures/geography area. So I will have to stay on my toes and ahead of the game in that class! I will be studying my little bum off to stay just ahead of the students. Also, I have a whole lot of freedom to teach what I want, how I want. It is wonderful, but almost TOO much freedom. A tiny bit more guidance would be useful for a first year teacher.
3) For some reason, this age level scares me. I don't know what to expect from them. Especially 6th grade boys. For some reason this age is terrifying with all the hormones, changing, growing up, etc. All the work I have done up until now has been in sophomore, junior, and senior English classes. Middle school age is a whole new cup of tea. Growing up, I used to say I wanted to teach middle school to help kids through this awkward phase....maybe I just need to try to get that mentality back.
4) The final reason is: I don't know how I will handle being away from Jack. And I don't know how he will handle a crazy new schedule and not being with his mommy 3 mornings a week. This job is ideal. It is only part-time. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. Only 14-15 hours a week. The rest of the time I get to be a full time mom to Jack. But I still think this will be hard for me, Jack, and Chewie.

Anyway, the students come Wednesday. I hope this "official" teacher doesn't faint on the drive to school.

Is this how it starts?

Ummm....is this how it starts? Is this how kids that eat their own boogers begin that awful, nasty habit? Maybe I shouldn't let Jack chew on his own snot sucker. We don't want him starting early...

Future Walmart Greeter

This may just look like a picture of ramdom, happy Walmart employee, but this is actually going to be me in 60 years! That's right! I think Dustin thinks I am kidding when I tell him that when I am an old lady I want to be a Walmart Greeter! I seriously do! I think it would be great fun to sit on my butt and say, "Welcome to Walmart" all day long! Mostly it would be fun to people watch, and see what kind of reactions I get as I address people in my loud, startleing, old woman voice. I would be a good greeter though, amazing actually., - A happy soul, not like the lady who works at our Walmart who says, "Welcome to Walmart" with a deep scowling frown on her face in a grufff, mean, growling voice. No that's not how a Greeter should be at all. I will be a great Walmart Greeter one day. Seriously. Wait and see.

Joy Beyond Compare!

Some days it is just plain hard to be a mom and to do all of the necessary tasks that go with it. This morning I was having one of those days. Then Jack looked at me and gave me one of his amazing, heart melting smiles and I realized that days like this will inevitably come, but the joys of being a mother to Jack easily out weight the bad days. So, because Jack cheered me up, I decided to list here just a few of the many ways that Jack has has brought me and daily brings me joy beyond compare.
* The overall experience of being pregnant with and safely having a big, healthy, perfect baby!
*Jack is so content, happy, and well behaved. Dustin and I are very, VERY lucky! People are constantly commenting to us on what a happy little guy he is!
* His bright, big blue eyes are so amazing to look into. They are so expressive! And it is neat that sometimes it feels like I am looking into my own eyes.
*His laughter
*His big smile which is getting toothier and goofier by the day! :)
* The way he is learning how to give hugs and kisses!
* And finally, seeing him accomplish or learn new things. I got teary eyed the other day as Jack started scooting along the floor doing a fun little version of an army crawl.

I live for the special, little moments each day with Jack! I can't wait for each new milestone, accomplishment, and exciting moment! Thanks Jack for the goofy smile you gave me this morning when Mommy was on the brink of having a meltdown!

Some thoughts on Motherhood...

As I am getting ready to go back to work (thankfully only part-time) I have been thinking a lot about being a mother. Becoming a mother has been so amazing for me and has completely changed me for the good. I love Jack more than anything! I will miss him like crazy when I go to work for a few hours a week. But I have also been thinking about some other aspects of motherhood....the lighter side. There are some things I do now, that I never thought I would do or never expected as a mmother: 1) I frolic around the house like a monkey (with a puppy excitedly nipping at my heels), just to get Jack to laugh, stop crying, smile, whatever. 2) I dance like a freak of nature to children's nursery rhymes songs because I have heard music and dancing with your baby is good for their development. **I acutally read today that while this is enjoyable and entertaining for the child, a mother can also use it as a way to get a workout in. Sweet. There you go! I do exercise.** 3) I find myself doing the oh so dreaded lick my fingers and clean off Jack's cheeks with my own saliva move. 4) I never expected that a poopy diaper could leave that awful stench etched into the memory glands of my nose for more than half a day. *Me: "Is Jack seriously poopy again?" Dustin: "No, I don't smell anything." Me: "Oh it must be the diaper from this morning STILL singed into my nose hairs."* 5) And finally I realized I had truly arrived as a mother when the other day Jack spit up in a store and I didn't have anything in there with me to wipe it up. I then found myself wiping spit up off Jack's face and discreetly hiding it away, wiping it into the pocket of my own pants. Gross. Wow. Only a mom. Oh more thoughs on motherhood later.....

The beginning....

I wanted to start a blog where I could share my random thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I wanted to be able to vent a little. Our other blog is dedicated to my family and Jack. I want that to be a bit of a scrapbook for him and us. So a separate page was needed for my thoughts, an online journal I guess. So enjoy or not. This is more therapeutic for me than anything.
Heather