My first REAL job

(Here I am with my official State of Montana Educator's License)

Today I guess I officially started my first REAL job that I have ever had in my life. At least the first profession I could proudly, and officially say "I am a...!" So with pride I will now say, when people say "What do you do?" "I AM A TEACHER!" (You don't so proudly say, "I am a waitress," which is really the only other job I have ever had, other than a basketball coach.) So its official. I have a job. I have real responsibilities. I have other lives and educations I am responsible for. I have a boss. I have colleagues. And I have all the nerves that come with having a first REAL job. Today we had teacher in-service before the students actually show up on Wednesday ready to have their minds molded. :) While driving there this morning, I nearly hyperventilated. The reality set in, and I was stinkin nervous. I am doing a little better now, and it was a good first day. I Really like the people I work with. However, I will probably be a nervous wreck Wednesday morning, even worse than today. Here are the things that scare me about this job:
1) This isn't just any old crazy public school. This is a private middle school with tiny little class sizes. Kids have to apply to get in, get accepted, and pay bukoo bucks to go here. There are very few teachers and very few students. In one of my classes I will have 6 or 7 students and my other class reached max capacity at 12. I am more intimidated by teaching just a few students than a much larger group. There are perks, such as less grading and more chances for one on one interaction and help. But for some reason a small group, with less chances for comments, is more scary for me. I don't know why.
2) I am teaching 7th grade English which I am REALLY excited about cuz English is my thang. The only scary thing about this is that apparently two of my students parent's are published authors. PRESSURE. And then I also teach 6th grade World Cultures. If any of you know me I am not so knowledgable in the cultures/geography area. So I will have to stay on my toes and ahead of the game in that class! I will be studying my little bum off to stay just ahead of the students. Also, I have a whole lot of freedom to teach what I want, how I want. It is wonderful, but almost TOO much freedom. A tiny bit more guidance would be useful for a first year teacher.
3) For some reason, this age level scares me. I don't know what to expect from them. Especially 6th grade boys. For some reason this age is terrifying with all the hormones, changing, growing up, etc. All the work I have done up until now has been in sophomore, junior, and senior English classes. Middle school age is a whole new cup of tea. Growing up, I used to say I wanted to teach middle school to help kids through this awkward phase....maybe I just need to try to get that mentality back.
4) The final reason is: I don't know how I will handle being away from Jack. And I don't know how he will handle a crazy new schedule and not being with his mommy 3 mornings a week. This job is ideal. It is only part-time. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. Only 14-15 hours a week. The rest of the time I get to be a full time mom to Jack. But I still think this will be hard for me, Jack, and Chewie.

Anyway, the students come Wednesday. I hope this "official" teacher doesn't faint on the drive to school.

Is this how it starts?

Ummm....is this how it starts? Is this how kids that eat their own boogers begin that awful, nasty habit? Maybe I shouldn't let Jack chew on his own snot sucker. We don't want him starting early...

Future Walmart Greeter

This may just look like a picture of ramdom, happy Walmart employee, but this is actually going to be me in 60 years! That's right! I think Dustin thinks I am kidding when I tell him that when I am an old lady I want to be a Walmart Greeter! I seriously do! I think it would be great fun to sit on my butt and say, "Welcome to Walmart" all day long! Mostly it would be fun to people watch, and see what kind of reactions I get as I address people in my loud, startleing, old woman voice. I would be a good greeter though, amazing actually., - A happy soul, not like the lady who works at our Walmart who says, "Welcome to Walmart" with a deep scowling frown on her face in a grufff, mean, growling voice. No that's not how a Greeter should be at all. I will be a great Walmart Greeter one day. Seriously. Wait and see.

Joy Beyond Compare!

Some days it is just plain hard to be a mom and to do all of the necessary tasks that go with it. This morning I was having one of those days. Then Jack looked at me and gave me one of his amazing, heart melting smiles and I realized that days like this will inevitably come, but the joys of being a mother to Jack easily out weight the bad days. So, because Jack cheered me up, I decided to list here just a few of the many ways that Jack has has brought me and daily brings me joy beyond compare.
* The overall experience of being pregnant with and safely having a big, healthy, perfect baby!
*Jack is so content, happy, and well behaved. Dustin and I are very, VERY lucky! People are constantly commenting to us on what a happy little guy he is!
* His bright, big blue eyes are so amazing to look into. They are so expressive! And it is neat that sometimes it feels like I am looking into my own eyes.
*His laughter
*His big smile which is getting toothier and goofier by the day! :)
* The way he is learning how to give hugs and kisses!
* And finally, seeing him accomplish or learn new things. I got teary eyed the other day as Jack started scooting along the floor doing a fun little version of an army crawl.

I live for the special, little moments each day with Jack! I can't wait for each new milestone, accomplishment, and exciting moment! Thanks Jack for the goofy smile you gave me this morning when Mommy was on the brink of having a meltdown!

Some thoughts on Motherhood...

As I am getting ready to go back to work (thankfully only part-time) I have been thinking a lot about being a mother. Becoming a mother has been so amazing for me and has completely changed me for the good. I love Jack more than anything! I will miss him like crazy when I go to work for a few hours a week. But I have also been thinking about some other aspects of motherhood....the lighter side. There are some things I do now, that I never thought I would do or never expected as a mmother: 1) I frolic around the house like a monkey (with a puppy excitedly nipping at my heels), just to get Jack to laugh, stop crying, smile, whatever. 2) I dance like a freak of nature to children's nursery rhymes songs because I have heard music and dancing with your baby is good for their development. **I acutally read today that while this is enjoyable and entertaining for the child, a mother can also use it as a way to get a workout in. Sweet. There you go! I do exercise.** 3) I find myself doing the oh so dreaded lick my fingers and clean off Jack's cheeks with my own saliva move. 4) I never expected that a poopy diaper could leave that awful stench etched into the memory glands of my nose for more than half a day. *Me: "Is Jack seriously poopy again?" Dustin: "No, I don't smell anything." Me: "Oh it must be the diaper from this morning STILL singed into my nose hairs."* 5) And finally I realized I had truly arrived as a mother when the other day Jack spit up in a store and I didn't have anything in there with me to wipe it up. I then found myself wiping spit up off Jack's face and discreetly hiding it away, wiping it into the pocket of my own pants. Gross. Wow. Only a mom. Oh more thoughs on motherhood later.....

The beginning....

I wanted to start a blog where I could share my random thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I wanted to be able to vent a little. Our other blog is dedicated to my family and Jack. I want that to be a bit of a scrapbook for him and us. So a separate page was needed for my thoughts, an online journal I guess. So enjoy or not. This is more therapeutic for me than anything.
Heather