A few thoughts on Motherhood

Isn't it amazing how motherhood can be the best, most rewarding and difficult and most frustrating of things all at the same time!

Today my Jack turns 3! I can't believe I have been at this crazy business of being a mother for 3 years already. It is scary how fast time flies by! My BIG 10'10" baby is now a skinny 3 year old with no butt who can't keep his pants up!

I feel like Jack was just born....but SO much has happened since then. He is really growing up. As Dustin said last night, "He is a little person now" and he has a very distinct personality, an amazing vocabulary, an active imagination, and a strong Spirit!

Zander is already 6 months! I don't have a little tiny baby anymore. He laughs, he smiles, he wants to reach out and grab EVERYTHING. He is curious. He is sweet. He still cries a lot and is determined to never let me get more than 4 hours of sleep. He puts up with his brother.

I realize I often fail my kiddos as a mother. I am impatient. I yell. I threaten Jack at least 100 times a day. I spank. I see about every other mother appearing to do better than me. I get frustrated with Zander's crying and not sleeping. I am not creative or crafty. I hate getting up in the mornings. I easily get frustrated. But I am THEIR mom. I am the best mom for them. With all my shortcomings, I love my kids with everything I have. I fear for them. I want the best for them. I want them to be happy, successful, have friends, be healthy. Yes, to Dustin's dismay, I probably even coddle them. But I love them so much. And through it all, they still love me! Jack still tells me I am a good mom. He compliments me. He worries about me if I am sad or hurt.

Zander gives me all the best smiles. It is me he wants when he needs comfort. It is my touch that can calm him. I can make him laugh with my silly faces, sounds, songs... I like to dance and make up songs with my kids. I attempt to make marble towers, even though they are really crappy. (I don't quite get boy toys!). I give them a million hugs and kisses a day. I feed them. I clean them. I try to keep a house of order for them.

Being a mother is the most wonderful thing in the world. I am so thankful that I am able to stay home with my boys at this stage of life! I love that my kiss can make an owie on Jack feel better. I love how he is so proud when I cheer him on or tell him he did something well. I love how he struts with confidence. I love how he smiles at me. Plays pretend with me. Sings with me. I love how he still wants to snuggle with me. I love how Zander holds my hand or strokes my chest as he nurses. (Or sometimes digs.) I love how he has actually fallen asleep in my arms lately. How he grabs my hair to rub against his face.

I am so very blessed to be a mom to these amazing spirit children of our Heavenly Father. He has entrusted me with them to love them, teach them, and help them return to Him. Oh how I love this divine calling I have been given. Now if I could just do better each day with it. Be more patient. Speak more softly, less harshly when I am angry. Give them even more hugs and kisses. Enjoy snuggle time a little more. Play cars a little more. Hold Zander a little longer. Go for a few more walks and trips to the park. Just don't rush through daily activities. The "stuff" around the house that I need to get done can wait. My kids are growing up too fast.

Triathlon: The Results

I did it! I competed in and completed my first sprint triathlon. (I say first because it was so fun that I totally would like to do more!) Pardon my ummm.....pride, but I did it 4 months out from having a baby by c-section, on a torn ACL, with only a few weeks of training, on a mountain bike, and after having been up in the night with my kids several times! It felt good. There were only 8 total people competing, and I got last. But I met the time goal I set (barely). I came in at 1 hour and 14 minutes. My goal was 1 hour and 15 minutes!

Here I am before the race with Zander

One of my cheerleaders....sleeping.

My other cheerleader. Jack was great. He had his pom-pom and at different spots along the race he was cheering his little heart out for me!

I can't believe I am posting this picture of me, let alone that I actually let Dustin take it....But may it be motivation for me to get rid of those fat rolls and thunder thighs! :)

Swimming - it was my nemesis! I was totally the last one in the pool, and it took me nearly 20 minutes to swim 500 yards. It made everyone else quite a bit of distance ahead of me so I was alone the rest of the race too. I did it though, and I am proud of myself cuz I am definitely NOT a swimmer. Notice my awesome nose plug....yeah, I am cool.

Biking 10k....man heading out was brutal, but coming back felt so much easier!

Running 5k.....The running part actually didn't feel to bad after the first few wobbly steps off the bike. I actually think I could have pushed harder. That kind of bugs, but next time I know.....

Jack came down and greeted me about last 20 yards, cheering for me all the way! I picked him up and finished the race! An amazing 51 year old lady who probably finished at least 10-20 minutes before me was cheering me on yelling, "Now that's a mama!" All the other people doing it were so encouraging and awesome!

Finishing! I love the smiles on both our faces! I felt good and proud!

After the race. I was all tears and smiles. I was proud of myself. Dustin was proud of me. And it just felt good to have accomplished something like this and done it for me, for fun!

There will definitely be more races in the future! Maybe I can get my sister.....or Dustin to do one with me.... :)

The Triathlon!

I am going to be doing a Sprint Triathlon on Saturday. I have been training pretty hard, especially the last 2 weeks. Today I found out there are only 6 people signed up so far for it. That sucks, but it also reinforces and will emphasize the reasons I am doing it. Even if it was only me, it shouldn't change the reasons or my desire to do it. (Though I wish I would be able to be lost in the mix a little more.... So here are my reasons: 1) It was a motivator to exercise, lose weight, and get in shape. (I still have far to go, but I have lost 5 pounds in 2 or so weeks!) 2) It is a cool thing that I will feel proud to accomplish, especially 4 months after having a baby. 3) I turn 28 on September 29th. I want to say I accomplished something cool, something for me, by then! 4) Sounds kind of fun, challenging, but fun!

Now here are some things I have learned while training:

*I am still as competitive as ever. I am old, out of shape, and flabby. But man I still have a competitive drive. (I am not sure if this is a good thing.)

*I still care too much what people think. I just moved to a new town, don't know many people, yet find myself wondering if people are judging me as I flail through the water, or about my wet ugly hair as I run, or my form as I am biking...etc. I am doing better. This has been good for me...I am doing this for ME and who cares what others think!

*There are so many different versions of in shape....Swimming is TOTALLY different on the lungs than running. Also, there are skinny girls that I could outrun, outlift, outride, etc. But no fair that they LOOK so much better! Side note: And there are people with amazing calf muscles that have never worked for them. I used to work my fanny off for nice calves but it just isn't in the genes. Thanks mom. Why couldn't I get my dad's calf gene!?

*Swimmers are amazing!!

*Running to music SERIOUSLY helps.

*I am stubborn. (I already knew this, just have had it reinforced many times.)

*I am capable of surviving on very little sleep. (I have been waking up at 5:30 every morning after having been up at least 2 times for feedings in the night!)

*The body is an amazing thing! I could go into this a lot, but I won't. It just is.

*I love food, WAY too much!

And hopefully, after Saturday I will be able to say I accomplished something I never have before and it felt great! And I surprised myself....We will see.

P.S. I will SOOOOOO be making one of these AFTER my race to indulge in.

Chocolate Reese's Cake!

OR

Reese's Mud Pie

Mmmmmm......

Bugged

Just need to vent a little, so here are some things that have bugged me lately:

• People in stores saying how cute my "baby girl" is when HE is dressed all in BLUE with a BLUE blanket!
• People that wear skorts to work out at the rec center at 6 in the morning. Seriously?
• Not losing weight when I am working my butt off! (I wish it was literally!)
• My 2 year olds sassiness, sometimes his smartness, and all the time the fact that he still isn't potty trained.
• Teething in my 4 month old...Ouch! Waaa! Aah!
• Women's clothes sizes. Pretty sure I fit in a range from size 12 to 18!
• My skin, dry cracked hands and heals...and my poor boys inherited it.
• Dustin's lack of pay for hours worked.
• Ridiculous rent price in freaking LARAMIE, Wyoming.
• Feeling like I have to beg people here to be my friends.
• 2 failed ACL surgeries and the the fact that my ACL is torn for a 3rd time! I think I should get a refund for the first 2 sucky surgeries.

Probably enough for today. Oh life, somtimes I think you hate me!

I'm Back!

Hello! I am back. After a very long hiatus from this blog I decided I REALLY need somewhere to vent, think out loud, and just write down some everyday stuff from my life. I don't want to taint my family blog by doing so. Hopefully I still have some followers on this blog as well. Comments, ways you relate, stories, or empathy is welcome! Soon to come. Blogs on moving to Larmie, Wyoming, motherhood, dealing with a 2 year old, becoming old, etc. Oh the joys of everyday life.