Today my Jack turns 3! I can't believe I have been at this crazy business of being a mother for 3 years already. It is scary how fast time flies by! My BIG 10'10" baby is now a skinny 3 year old with no butt who can't keep his pants up!
I feel like Jack was just born....but SO much has happened since then. He is really growing up. As Dustin said last night, "He is a little person now" and he has a very distinct personality, an amazing vocabulary, an active imagination, and a strong Spirit!
Zander is already 6 months! I don't have a little tiny baby anymore. He laughs, he smiles, he wants to reach out and grab EVERYTHING. He is curious. He is sweet. He still cries a lot and is determined to never let me get more than 4 hours of sleep. He puts up with his brother.
I realize I often fail my kiddos as a mother. I am impatient. I yell. I threaten Jack at least 100 times a day. I spank. I see about every other mother appearing to do better than me. I get frustrated with Zander's crying and not sleeping. I am not creative or crafty. I hate getting up in the mornings. I easily get frustrated. But I am THEIR mom. I am the best mom for them. With all my shortcomings, I love my kids with everything I have. I fear for them. I want the best for them. I want them to be happy, successful, have friends, be healthy. Yes, to Dustin's dismay, I probably even coddle them. But I love them so much. And through it all, they still love me! Jack still tells me I am a good mom. He compliments me. He worries about me if I am sad or hurt.
Zander gives me all the best smiles. It is me he wants when he needs comfort. It is my touch that can calm him. I can make him laugh with my silly faces, sounds, songs... I like to dance and make up songs with my kids. I attempt to make marble towers, even though they are really crappy. (I don't quite get boy toys!). I give them a million hugs and kisses a day. I feed them. I clean them. I try to keep a house of order for them.
Being a mother is the most wonderful thing in the world. I am so thankful that I am able to stay home with my boys at this stage of life! I love that my kiss can make an owie on Jack feel better. I love how he is so proud when I cheer him on or tell him he did something well. I love how he struts with confidence. I love how he smiles at me. Plays pretend with me. Sings with me. I love how he still wants to snuggle with me. I love how Zander holds my hand or strokes my chest as he nurses. (Or sometimes digs.) I love how he has actually fallen asleep in my arms lately. How he grabs my hair to rub against his face.
I am so very blessed to be a mom to these amazing spirit children of our Heavenly Father. He has entrusted me with them to love them, teach them, and help them return to Him. Oh how I love this divine calling I have been given. Now if I could just do better each day with it. Be more patient. Speak more softly, less harshly when I am angry. Give them even more hugs and kisses. Enjoy snuggle time a little more. Play cars a little more. Hold Zander a little longer. Go for a few more walks and trips to the park. Just don't rush through daily activities. The "stuff" around the house that I need to get done can wait. My kids are growing up too fast.
3 comments:
Beautiful thoughts, my friend! I can relate to so many of them! You are a fabulous mommy and we are so thankful to have you right across the street from us! :)
Heather, you are an amazing wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend! You are doing great with the wonderful boys that you have. I think that every mother can relate to you when you say you yell, get frustrated, spank, and love your children. Every mother I think thinks that everyone else is a better mother than you but in truth, that is not true. If God did not think you could do it, or were not ready he would not have entrusted you with two handsome boys and a beautiful niece that loves you and miss you. You are doing just fine! Love you and miss you!
AMEN HEATHER! I've been having similar thoughts this past month. You wrote them out perfectly (I was NOT an english major!) I love reading your blog, I wish we lived closer because we have TWO boys the same age. Tell Jake happy b-day from Tal. When Tal saw me reading your blog the other day he said "there's Jack!"
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